Cinema Rant

As I have established this space in order to vent my passions, frustrations, and general feelings on films (old and new), I thought it best to simply dive right in.

The initiation will begin with an introduction to the best film ever made:

That’s right, Jurassic Park (1993) is the best film ever made.

Some quick-witted readers may have noticed that my ecstasy about this film has influenced the very layout of the page. “True dat.”

One thing you will find here is opinion masquerading as fact. Don’t worry, I know the difference. I understand that my opinions are my opinions and that they are largely non-transferrable and entirely subjective. That said, I’m still going to state them as objective truths. That’s just how I rotate. You’re more than welcome to object and argue the opposite…you’ll just be dead wrong.

Jurassic Park (1993) Directed By Steven Spielberg

This film is a masterpiece. It’s perfect. There isn’t a single creative flaw in it. Someone once said –

“Nothing is ever perfect.”

That was before Steven Spielberg punched him in the face and made Jurassic Park just to prove him wrong. The updated quote reads like this:

“Nothing is perfect…except Jurassic Park.”

It’s perfect because it has everything you could ever want in a film.

• Dinosaurs.
• Action/Adventure.
• A great story.
• Fully-formed characters.
• A heart-warming father/family story arc.
• A science fiction scenario.
• Great special effects.
• A wonderful musical score.
• Dinosaurs.
• A discussion about scientific morality.
• Death/Violence/Gore.
• An exotic setting.
• Dinosaurs.

I listed Dinosaurs three times cause it’s kind of a big deal in the film. If you haven’t seen it and don’t know the premise:

1. You poor, poor thing.
2. Here’s the Imdb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107290/

From now on when I rant about a film I will preface it with a brief plot synopsis, but because this movie is fairly well known I won’t bother this time.

Characters

The film presents us with five main characters, representing five points of view.

As the film discusses the complexities of ethics within science and human progress, each character embodies a given opinion on the situation presented to all of them. Their opinions are clearly demonstrated by the colour of their clothes, as depicted in one of the films earlier scenes

Character colour scheme from left to right:

• Donald Gennaro – Grey – Values profit / shows no passion other than monetary
• Ian Malcolm – Black – Values his philosophy / shows extreme cynicism
• John Hammond – White – Values discovery / shows extreme optimism
• Ellie Sattler – Pink(Red) – Values feminism / shows extreme confidence
• Alan Grant – Blue – Values tranquil humility / shows no desire for responsibility

It is also interesting to note that John Hammond being dressed entirely in white may be a reference to his self-apointed position as God. In cloning the dinosaurs he has created life,  in other words doing “God’s work”. By the same token, Ian Malcolm dressing entirely in black makes him God’s nemesis; the sceptic. The two are at war throughout the entire film.

Each character goes through a fundamental change:

• Donald Gennaro realises the value in the quality of life itself and attempts to preserve it (before being eaten).
• Ian Malcolm learns the importance of hope and positivity in the face of crisis as well as managing to dampen his own smugness.
• John Hammond learns about the risks of scientific tampering.
• Ellie Sattler learns that she cannot do everything herself and turns to protection from various men.
• Alan Grant learns the importance of tackling his male responsibilities head on, taking on the role of a temporary father figure.

There are many other characters, including of course the two children: Tim and Lex.

I can’t be bothered with them now though.

Visual Effects

Compare these effects shots:

Planet of the Dinosaurs (1978)

Jurassic Park (1993)

AMAZING, right?

Now compare that to the most recent VFX “improvement”.

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Avatar (2009)

BORING! 

Isn’t technology growth supposed to be exponential? I can’t be the only one who was underwhelmed by the CGI in Avatar, surely. Now, granted, Planet of the Dinosaurs was made 15 years before Jurassic Park, but miniature stop-motion was still the preferred method of animating full-frame creatures up until the early 90’s. Let us not forget, also, that there was 12 years between Jurassic Park and Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. Yoda looks like a cartoon for fucks sake!

I can’t tell which is worse, Yoda or Lego Yoda.

Then comes James Cameron with his self professed “visually stunning” Avatar. I was stunned by the extra money I had to pay for the increasingly uncomfortable 3D glasses, but other than that…not so much.

John Williams’ Jurassic Park Musical Score

If that doesn’t make you want to spontaneously hug the person next to you…or your nearest pet…or a piece of furniture, then you unequivocally have no heart.

Alright, I’m finished for now. A mild mannered entry to what I hope will become a passionate blog full of love and hatred. The Yin and Yang. The Malcolm and Hammond. I shall post more when the mood strikes me.

Rant over.